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 Welcome intelligentsia one and all to this week’s Man’s Man’s Man (wasn’t that a Spencer Tracy movie? Or was that mad, mad... no matter).
Our person of epicness is none other than Christopher Walken. Much to my amazement, he clocks in at 6 foot (1.83m for those of the offshore disposition). He looks about 6 foot 3 to my eyes such is his presence, so that’s a big tick right there.
Let’s start with the checklist:
1. They have charisma overload. Oh yes. When Mr Walken enters the room, your eyes are super glued to him. You can’t possibly look anywhere else. There can be fires, naked chicks, any number of attention grabbing people or super desirable hardware to play with but they all count for nought when he arrives. They zoom back into infinity as he comes into sharp focus. You have to stare, your jaw has to flop open. You have to lose the ability to be anything other than a gibbering neophyte in his zone of fascination.
2. You wouldn’t want to fight them. OMG no. You can be assured that getting into any sort of altercation with Chris Walken would result in a) you losing b) much pain and c) forms of injury and degradation the human race has yet to consider feasible. Actually, in real life he’s none of that but such is his power as an actor extraordinaire, you’re not going to want to risk it. You know, just in case. Is all I’m saying.
3. They’re not a twat. OK, he’s made a few dodgy films but he’s always the best thing in them and manages to survive with his dignity intact.
4. They are über cool. Christopher Walken was a lion tamer at 15. He danced with Judy Garland at Liza Minelli’s 16th birthday party. He danced (purest awesomness) in Fat Boy Slim’s Weapon of Choice video. Heck, he even tries to dance a little jog in every film he does. OK, enough of the dancing maybe. He lives in Connecticut NOT Hollywood. Plus of course, he just is cool. He oozes cool.
Chris was the second choice for Han solo. To be fair, Harrison Ford did a good job here given the clunky dialog. Plus, if it was Chris, it would have been a very darker film. He’d have had Darth Vader crying within the first hour. Hardcore fans wouldn’t have spent so much time arguing who shot first. It was Han Walken.
He nearly always plays really psychotic, dark characters but is totally different in real life (so he says). Net result is, we’re all scared shitless of him but in reality the worst you’re likely to have to endure is a good pasta cooked by the man himself. Bring a beer. He likes beer. Obviously.
For my money, he earned mega kudos for Pulp Fiction where he managed a flawless delivery of a monologue that would have failed dismally were it uttered by any less a man:
“The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any slopes gonna put their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright, so he hid it, in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.”
Let’s hear it for the monumental, the dark, the light, the bringer of fear and fine cooking, Mr Christopher Walken.
Notable Performances:
More Info:
IMDB Profile
Wikipedia Page
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Comments
"Hello, my name is Chris Walken," he said. "This is very nice of you. When I was little, I used to have my diaper changed on the kitchen table here." He stayed in the kitchen, a polite house guest. After a minute, he said, "Well, this was very interesting. God bless and good luck!" ("This sounds silly," he said later, "but the first thing that I can remember I was on my back, on that kitchen table, and the window facing the street was open. I remember this marvellous warm breeze coming in, so it was around June, and I was a couple of months old. And I turned my head and right next to me was a white plate with scrambled eggs on it. I can still see it.")
http://[censored].newyorker.com/talk/2010/04/19/100419ta_talk_steven son
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